Dear Diary When the Dark Thoughts Loom: A Moment of Vulnerability

There are times in life when the weight of it all feels unbearable. When you try to push through, remind yourself to stay strong, and yet, every step forward feels like sinking deeper into a place of darkness. Today, I’m writing not from a place of strength but from a place of vulnerability, because sometimes the hardest thing to do is admit that you’re struggling.

I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us are feeling the strain of a world that doesn’t always seem to understand, a society that is shifting in ways that leave us behind. And even though I remind myself of all the blessings, all the things I’m grateful for, there are moments where I can’t help but feel like I’m losing myself. The sadness and defeat creep in, and my mind starts to feel like a prison. A prison I’m struggling to escape.

I want to break free from these dark thoughts. I’ve tried everything—affirmations, positivity, focusing on the small joys. But sometimes, the misery feels like it’s consuming me, and I wonder if it will ever let up.

I keep thinking back to how I surrendered my power, how I trusted people who didn’t have my best interests at heart, and how life doesn’t always seem fair. Why does it feel like I gave so much, only to be left with this emptiness? The anger and the frustration feel so overwhelming at times. I’m battling with myself, trying so hard to avoid doing something reckless, but it’s hard when your emotions feel so raw.

It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I know it’s there. I remind myself that this feeling won’t last forever. I remind myself of the resilience that’s deep within, even when I can’t feel it. I have to keep pushing forward, even on days when it feels impossible.

But sometimes, it's okay not to be okay. Right now, I need to write. I need a lifeline. I need someone to listen. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need a hug. I need my tribe. I need a friend. I need... I need... I need... I need to go to bed and close my eyes, hoping that tomorrow will bring a little peace.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt like this too, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to feel sad. But it’s also okay to take small steps—reach out to someone, take a breath, allow yourself to feel, and then slowly, find your way out. Together, we can break free from the darkness.

With Gratitude,

Diana Gonzalez-Lehboub